Celebrity a-go-go!

(This blog was originally written on Myspace)

So, I was at work, right (Yes, I’m well aware many of my blogs start with, or contain job-based occurrences. Get over yourselves). I was doing my utmost to do as little as possible, something that I’m being challenged at by new members of staff, but that’s another story…

The day had been fairly quiet as my town had just held its annual carnival, where the townsfolk ride lorries of varying themes through the winding streets to the grassy green park area in the town centre. There you could find many stalls and fun things to do, like bouncing on a bouncy castle or taking a ride on a donkey. With such fantastic entertainment in the town drawing all the attention, i was left alone at work to walk the aisles, listen to my iPod, and serve the occasional customer.

Time passed by quickly and I was nearing the end of my shift when a curly-haired mullet-topped customer came in. I recognised him instantly. It was the former drummer of indie dirge-rockers the Stereophonics and now BBC Wales Digital chat show host legend (he interviewed Max FUCKING Boyce, my friends), Stewart Cable! He was a friendly sort. He asked me if I knew the score in the rugby, to which I answered “No, i haven’t heard anything. I don’t even have a radio.” to which he replied “Don’t have a radio? It’s like living in Nazi Germany!” Oh, Stewart, the Stereophonics’ loss is BBC Wales Digital’s gain…

I meet all the stars, me. Don’t believe me? Then check this story out, chums – So, i was at work, right (oh, fuck off), many moons ago in march when a woman-type walked in (nothing unusual there, I hear you say, but read on, you impatient imbeciles! If i had a knitting needle i’d SO be stabbing eyes right aboot now). She was pretty, in a harsh, angular sort of way, and for some reason i had a vague recognition of her. She bought a few big bottles of water, a couple of cans of Red Bull, and some packs of Marlboro Light. I thought no more of it til the very next day when she came in AGAIN. This time she was wearing biker leathers and bought the exact same things again. Still, i could not place her girl-face. I thought my curiosity would never be saited…

Okay, I’m being overly dramatic. I couldn’t have given a rat’s bottom until I read the front page of the local paper when it was revealed whom the lovely lady-head was (though, ‘lovely’ is not a word that has been used to describe this person). It was none other than ‘celebrity’ love islander, pig wanker, and alleged acceptee of Derek (David) Beckham’s man-part, Rebecca Loos! She’d been in town taking part on a Harley Davidson Riders Edge Motorcycle course, apparently.

Blinded by the star wattage, huh? That’s just who I’ve met this year. Wanna know more? Sure you do, you Heat-reading nonces! There’s been Liverpool legend and Welsh international, Ian Rush. Ex-driver and Formula One pundit, Tony Jardine (twice). Weird fingered ITV Weather girl, Sian Loyd (numerous times). Former World Snooker Champion, Terry Griffiths (he was a top bloke, I got him a cup of tea from the tea machine!). Former Children’s BBC presenter with Otis the Aardvark, and one of the first to bum Jordan, Toby Anstis (he was on his way to do one of those TV’s Most Gullible Idiots programmes). Former member of the La’s and singer with mid-90’s indie bores Cast, John Power (he popped in for a sunday paper on his way down to Cardiff to see Liverpool play. When i told him we only sold the local papers, he said “do ye’?” and looked genuinely bemused). And last, but no means least, former Python, co-director of the Holy Grail, and director of Life of Brian, and Meaning of Life, Terry Jones (he bought yoghurty nuts!)

It makes your life worth living…

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